you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
