I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
