Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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