She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
