at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
vagina is talking i cant
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
