Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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