after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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