i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
