Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
