Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
