Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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