Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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