you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
