Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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