He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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