I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
