had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
