I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
