Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, he came in my armpit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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