yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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