I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
