I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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