I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
