he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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