wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
