she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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