she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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