So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
