she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
