I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
