Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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