I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
