This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
