Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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