roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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