time to smoke my breakfast
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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