I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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