my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
