TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
