ugly people sure do ruin things
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
