Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
