You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
