Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
