Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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