Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
