Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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