is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
