At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
too bad you live with your parents still
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
