The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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