I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
